You could be one of the millions of people who make New Year’s resolutions every January, either habits you want to change or goals you want to set. How many times have you resolved to change old habits or set new career goals? Then a month down the road, your vows are distant memories. If you’re like many people, you could be bypassing the key start that makes your 2026 career resolutions stick.
According to research, a whopping 94% of people drop the ball on their resolutions within two months of making them. When you look back on 2025, you, too, might feel like you fell in a hole and can’t find a way out. You want to change old habits that stand between you and your goals but don’t know where to begin. Experts usually bypass feelings and tell you to start with specific, measurable goals to track your progress.
1. Break larger resolutions into smaller, manageable tasks.
2. Create a timeline to keep yourself accountable throughout the year.
3. Write down your resolutions to reinforce commitment and clarity.
4. Share your goals with friends or family for support and motivation.
5. Regularly review and adjust your resolutions as needed to stay on track.
Following these steps is sound advice, but they bypass your emotions, catapulting you into premature actions. You don’t learn to swim by jumping into water over your head and then see how that feels. The first step is to ask what you want to change versus what you have to change. If you want to make change instead of feel you have to, your resolutions are more likely to become habits that stick.
The emotions we use to set goals frame our attitudes and actions, either fueling or halting our motivation. Oppressive words like have-to, need-to, ought-to, must or should contribute to and reflect our motivations, driving our actions accordingly.
When you oppose yourself with words such as should or must, you might not realize that you’re scolding yourself with shame-based messages that trigger oppositional feelings. “You should have gone to the office party” or “You must be a better employee.” Psychologist Clayton Barbeau called these shame-based messages “shoulding yourself.” And the late psychologist Albert Ellis coined the term “Musterbation” to describe when we bow to the mind’s oppressive self-talk, putting pressures on ourselves.
On the other hand, want-to feelings are internally motivating when a goal has personal meaning to us. An example might be “I really want a job as a supervisor.” Have-to feelings are externally motivating when someone else demands that we accomplish a goal or our own should or must voice requires us to do so. An example might be “I have to please my boss to get the promotion.”
Science-backed research shows that when you pursue a goal for have-to reasons, you experience more obstacles and struggles and are less likely to reach your goals. But when you pursue a goal with want-to (versus have-to) self-talk, you have fewer obstacles in the way, an easier time with resolutions that are more likely to stick.
So if you tell yourself you have to change a habit, it can backfire, diminishing your motivation and chances that you will succeed because your heart and soul aren’t in it. But if the change is something you really want to make, you’re more likely to score a touchdown because want to empowers you with the freedom to choose.
Sometimes all it takes to change long-held habits is to flip your perspective. When your boss assigns you a have-to task, try to associate the have-to with one positive aspect about the task that is meaningful, enjoyable or motivating. Suppose you’re required to complete a boring project with a favorite coworker. Focusing on wanting to be with the colleague, instead of having to do the boring task, puts you in charge instead of under the have-to’s mandates, making it more likely you will follow through.
As James Clear suggests in his book, Atomic Habits, we usually talk about everything we must do in each day. "You must wake up early for work. You have to make another sales call for your business. You must cook dinner for your family,” he points out. But when you replace the mandatory statements with empowering words, it enhances your chances of sticking to the resolutions.
You no longer have to. You get to, Clear asserts. "You get to wake up early for work. You get to make another sales call for your business. You get to cook dinner for your family. By simply changing one word, you shift the way you view each event. You transition from seeing these behaviors as burdens and turn them into opportunities.”
Next time you set a career goal or New Year’s resolution, don’t let your thoughts or feelings run roughshod over you. Take charge of them. If you have a setback when you’re trying to break a habit or reach a goal, remember that setbacks are part of moving forward. As baseball great Babe Ruth once said, “Each strike brings me closer to my next home run.”
Notice if your self-talk is compassionate or oppressive and become aware of what it requires of you. If “Musturbation” is blasting you, choose more supportive, comforting words such as "I can"; "I want to;" “I plan to;” or "I choose to."
A large body of research also shows that the more self-compassion we bring to a task, the greater our emotional arsenals and chances of success. Compassionate self-talk, including pep talks, affirmations or an arm around your shoulder are good medicine for sticking to New Year’s resolutions. Amid inevitable setbacks, if you check under the hood and self-soothe—instead of attacking yourself—you’re more motivated to get back in the saddle, stick to your goals and scale the challenges.
Once you realize you don’t have to live up to the oppressive voice’s demands, you can take a breath, step back and chill. By intentionally bringing motivational awareness to your 2026 career resolutions, you sidestep stress and create a calmer, more successful career trajectory.
